I’m such a disappointment to myself. People say: “oh you’ve done your best, it’s okay!”. No it’s not okay. When I can barely make the co-op cutoff GPA, what good is it to be “above class average”. Class average doesn’t mean anything. Where you stand with the smartest people in your class is what matters. I just can’t seem to perform at the level I want to. I’m disappointed in myself that I can’t achieve what I want to achieve. I’m such a great person now ey.
Sometimes I wonder what I am going to do in my life. There’s so much I want to do but I feel so incapable. I just can’t seem to get the grades to get into my program but I know that God is bigger than my problems. He is bigger than my grades. He his bigger than any situation for He has placed that situation into my life for me to grow and mature. As disappointed as I am, I can confidently say that God will make something great of my life. For those who are struggling. I know how you feel. I know what i feels like to be disappointment, a failure, a nobody; but know this: you are not a nobody. You are someone who is so special and so unique. You are perfect in your own imperfect way. Yes you may not be as smart as the person beside you but hey, if we were all as smart as them then why are there different people? We all have a reason for our lives. Keep your chin up and keep searching for your purpose in this life. Keep grounded in your identity. Don’t forget who you are in your chase for success. For what good is the riches of the world if I do not have God. Keep focused on God and trust that He will lead you out of this. He will. Keep fighting the good fight! It’s only over when you say it’s over.
I wish I could just slip into a deep sleep and never wake up. I can’t stand waking up everyday just to spend 5 hours in class, 3 at work and 12 studying. I’m just so tired of it all. I’m so lost again. God I need you. I hate myself. I wish I could be a better man. I despise who I am. I despise my selfishness. I should slip out my apartment window. I wouldn’t have to die every day. My soul is so crushed I don’t want to go on anymore. I’m so tired.
You’re not annoying; what you are is a beautiful young woman who always puts a smile on my face. Everyone has their imperfections and despite yours, I still want to be by your side. Annoying or not, I don’t care, I care for you and that’s the bottom line. If everyone was perfect then what’s the point of it all? Keep your chin up dear.